I do feel content with the big-picture things - being married to David, being a Mama, living in our current location, etc. There are none of those that I am in any hurry to change (although that last one is always subject to change at some point). I'm blessed to be living a great life.
But there are always things that I would like to change. I mentioned some here - growing deeper in my faith, losing a few pounds, and have a healthier savings account. Also, if a genie appeared before me offering three wishes, I'd like to suddenly be an organized extrovert with fewer curves in some areas and more in others. But truthfully, none of those keep me up at night (well, maybe the finances on occasion...).
I read this post a few days ago, though, and it got me to thinking and praying. (Go ahead. Take a few minutes to click over there so the rest of what I'm going to write will make sense. :) ) I've been wondering what my "thang" is in the Kingdom of God. (See, I told you this wouldn't make sense until you read the post.) In late high school / college, it was international missions - particularly to Russia. I went to Bulgaria with a music group, taught Conversational English, and waited for some big Call to bring that vision to fruition. But that isn't the direction my life has taken - at least, not so far.
Then I got married and started teaching math at the college level, which I loved (most of the time). Several times over the years, I've had the privilege of leading women's Bible studies (also something that I love). David can tell you that I spent way too much time preparing for lessons of both types.
All of those things still interest me a great deal, but I don't know if it's a passion at this stage of my life. Right now, my life primarily takes place within the walls of my house, and I am content with it being that way. Several years ago, I prayed and asked God to turn my heart toward home, and He has certainly answered that. Since then, I have begun teaching from home and homeschooling, both very different from how I would have envisioned my life even 10 years ago.
I'm still asking God to show me what passion He has placed in my heart, what mission He has for me to accomplish, whether big or small. I also asked my husband. He looked at me with this "duh" look on his face and told me what he thought should have been obvious to me.
Rather than tell you what he said, let me ask you. If you know me, what passion/mission/"thang" do you see in me? If you don't know me, or just have no idea, what is yours?
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You are a natural teacher, so I hope you will always be in a position to practice that gift/talent. But, you are also an amazing musician. I would love to see you find a way to express yourself musically, just as you are able to do with written words. I also believe that your "turn" to "return" to international mission opportunities is still a part of your future.
ReplyDeleteExhibit A? The fact that your parents didn't go to the mission field until we were in our 50's. For the present, keeping your husband seeing the positive side of life and studying your children and training them in the way they should go are no doubt your full-time occupations.