Bloomin' Monday: Final Thoughts

Hi friends,

I have enjoyed this little series on Making the Most of Moving to a New Town, and I hope you have, too. 

If you've moved even one time, it's likely that you've experienced a letdown after getting the boxes unpacked.  There are many reasons for this, but the main one for me tends to be unmet expectations.  Before moving, I always (well, at least usually) have these visions of how much better things will be in the next place.  I'll be more organized.  The kids will play more nicely together.  I'll finally get motivated to lose these last 15 pounds.  I'll invite more people over.  I'll know my neighbors better.  You get the idea.

So why don't those things happen?

I figured out the answer.  Are you ready?



Wherever you go, there you are.



Did you get that?  Let me try again.

Wherever you go, there YOU are.

All 12 addresses we have shared since getting married 13 years ago have one thing in common: we have lived there.  Moving won't make me suddenly more organized.  I won't suddenly turn into The Hostess with the Mostest.  The kids won't suddenly stop bickering just because the location has changed.

Now, this can be a real downer.  I mean, you've got all these plans and dreams for how things will be "when we get there."  And yes, sometimes moving can make a big difference.  If you move from a cramped apartment with half your stuff in a storage building into a house double the size of your apartment, things can get a lot better (except when you realize that all the stuff formerly in storage is now taking up that extra room).  But don't expect a move to solve all of your problems.

On the upside, there is freedom in this.  It also means that you don't have to wait for a move or other major life event to make changes.  Want to be more organized?  Start decluttering a few minutes each day.  Want to lose 15 pounds?  Make better choices at each individual meal.  Want to invite people over more often?  Then just do it.  Want the kids to stop bickering?  (I've got nothing to offer here.  Anyone??)

Not long ago, David and I were in a "U-Haul mood" and found a house online that would be just wonderful.  I caught myself thinking those "what if" and "if only" thoughts.  But I soon remembered that no house or situation is perfect.  Sure there might be some things that are better, but there will also be things that are not as good.

It all comes down to contentment.

I wish I could tell you that I have mastered this.  I haven't.  In fact, one of the reasons I haven't written on this blog in a while is because I have been struggling with discontent.  Most of it relates to the expectations I place on myself.  Maybe I'll write more about that later.  Maybe not.

But as this relates to moving, go ahead and make big plans.  Enjoy the process!  (I know that seems impossible at times.)  Make the changes that you can make.  But just realize that you will still be you after your address changes.  Your husband will still be your husband, and your kids will still be your kids (Lord willing).  And those are wonderfully good things.



This post is linked up to one or more of the following blog parties.  Check them out! Monday: Menu Plan Monday on I'm an Organizing Junkie Wednesday: Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family Friday: 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama, Company Girl Coffee at Home Sanctuary Other days: A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

Bloomin' Monday - What NOT To Do

I hope you have enjoyed this little series on how to Bloom Where You're Planted - dealing with moving to a new town.  Everything I have written about has focused on how to get to know people, get involved, and put down roots.  So to wrap up, here's the one thing NOT to do: stay isolated.

It's amazing how easy it can be to just stay in your own little cocoon after moving to a new town, especially if you're an introvert like me.  Even if you're working outside the home, it's easy to get into a routine involving a few different places, get to know just a couple of people, and stay closed off to the rest of the world.

If you move frequently, this can become even more challenging.  "Why bother getting to know people when we'll probably just be moving again soon?"  "I won't be here long enough to even make friends so why even try."  "It hurt so badly the last time we had to leave good friends.  I don't want to go through that again."

It's a good thing for a move to be painful.

Let me say that again.  It's a GOOD thing for a move to be painful.  That means that you have invested your life into people, put down roots.  It's not good to leave and have no one even realize that you've left.

I know this from personal experience.  I really enjoyed living in Seattle.  I had a job that I loved (highly motivated students, wonderful fellow faculty, supportive leadership, etc.).  I would have gladly continued to work there for many years to come.  Seattle is a beautiful city, so different from where I had grown up.  I loved telling people back home that I lived in Seattle.  There was always this look of admiration in their eyes.

When David graduated from the University of Washington, he got a job in Jacksonville, Florida.  Thankfully, I also found a job right away, teaching math at a community college just as I had been doing in Seattle.  But it wasn't the same at all.  The students had abysmal math skills and very little motivation.  The faculty and staff were nice but not super-friendly.  We joined a Sunday school at a huge church but just never felt connected to the class.  To say that David was my only friend at the time would not have been an understatement.

This all combined with a number of other factors to put me into quite a tailspin, emotionally.  While much of it I feel was inevitable, I do think that the effect was magnified because I felt so isolated.  I had no family nearby (my parents were living in Ecuador at the time), I had just turned 30 (which set off all sorts of unexpected feelings in me), and I had no one I felt I could really talk to (besides my husband who, by the way, was awesome during this time).  It was a really rough year.  In fact, sometimes I still get very emotional thinking about it.

Thankfully, the Lord provided a way for us to move to Knoxville.  I was still not in great shape but making a lot of improvement.  I started praying for a fun friend, and He provided Rose.  You can read about her here.  From there I met another neighbor.  Then we got involved in our church, went on a mission trip, and eventually had lots of friends - many of whom we are still in contact with, thanks to Facebook.

I taught math again in Knoxville.  The students there also had abysmal math skills and little motivation.  I actually had even fewer friends at work because I was just teaching part-time.  But that didn't matter at all because I had lots of other people in my life.

Making friends is NOT an instant thing - at least not for me.  As I've said before, it has been my experience that it usually takes a full year (at least) before you will feel like you are a part of your community.  But it CAN happen.  Even for complete wallflowers like me.

So what are you waiting for?  If you haven't moved yet, try to make some contacts before you even get there.  Buy some brownies on your very first grocery trip and bake some for your new neighbors.  Join groups of people in your same stage of life.  Get involved in your church.  And then, once you've gotten yourself established (or even before!), be on the lookout for other people in need of friends.  I promise you, it's worth the effort!



This post may be linked up to one or more of the following blog parties.  Check them out! Monday: Menu Plan Monday on I'm an Organizing Junkie, Wednesday: Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family, Friday: 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama, Company Girl Coffee at Home Sanctuary

Bloomin' Monday: Moving Overseas, Part 3

Hi again!

Sorry I haven't written much lately.  With it being the end of the term at the school where I teach online and about a million other things going on, I just haven't really had much of a chance - or desire, to be honest.  :)  Hopefully that will change soon.

In the meantime, here's "the rest of the story" from my Mom.  (If you're just joining this series on How to Make the Most of Moving to a New Town, you can read the earlier posts here.)  I hope you'll also take a few minutes to visit my Mom's blog here.

Once I dealt with the basics of surviving in Ecuador and could finally prepare a decent meal using foreign ingredients, non-North American-made appliances, and factoring in an altitude of 8500-9000 ft. (we were in the Andes Mountains, not on the coast or in the rainforest), THEN I felt as though I could finally “bloom where I’d been planted.”  Because, after all, when I could extend hospitality – a fancy word for “having folks over to the house” – then friendships could be developed and warmth and love could be extended, Connie-style.

                Many people came through our front door, representing a wide gamut of economic levels and social backgrounds.  We hosted numerous missionaries and volunteer teams from the States, but some of our most memorable times came when Ecuadorian and Quichua people were in our home.  (Quichua are the indigenous people of Ecuador, the poorest on the economic ladder). 

                Three young Quichua men came every Thursday night for supper and for training in church planting.  At first, I was pretty nervous about what I would serve them, but that only lasted through the first meal.  Those guys ate everything I put in front of them, without questions, and without any indication that they “didn’t like it.”  I tried a few Southern dishes, but mostly I stuck to soups (very common in the Andes since it gets cold when the sun goes down), chicken, rice, salad, and bread.  There were never any leftovers because whatever they didn’t finish at the table they happily took home for later.  These young men earnestly prayed for daily work in order to provide “daily bread” for themselves and their families.  For them, food was survival.  It was not a matter of taste preferences. What was given to them to eat was accepted and eaten.  Period.  I must admit that it’s now a little harder for me to be tolerant of picky eaters.

                Ecuador is one of the world’s biggest exporters of bananas, yet I was never able to find a single box of Nilla Wafers for sale there.  I couldn’t imagine these folks not experiencing the delight of banana pudding.  Once when a volunteer team was coming in, I asked them to bring me some Nilla Wafers and could hardly wait for the next time we had Ecuadorian guests.  I watched eagerly for the reaction to my yummy dessert.  What a disappointment!  They took a couple of polite bites and then all of a sudden were “too full for anything else.” (These were Ecuadorians, you understand, not Quichua).  Then, it dawned on me.  They weren’t used to so much sugar.  To their tastes it was probably so sweet it made their teeth hurt.  Oh well.  From then on, I saved my Nilla Wafers and banana pudding for visiting Gringos (a.k.a. missionaries starved for tastes from home). 

                We got a further lesson in Latin American culture when another Ecuadorian family came for dinner.  As we finished the main course, I started clearing the table for dessert, and Steve jumped up to help me.  The Ecuadorian husband – who was a product of a highly-macho upbringing -- was very disturbed by Steve’s actions.  Some rapid words of Spanish were exchanged, and his wife and daughters quickly began to help me.  In his mind, that was NOT a job for a man, and I’m reasonably sure he didn’t plan to start such a practice at his own supper table.  Evidently, we were forgiven, because we enjoyed many more meals with this family, but Steve kept his seat when this man was present.  “When in Rome . . . .”

                The longer we stayed in that beautiful country, the easier it was to “bloom.”  After all, the country itself has spectacular natural beauty, and the lush vegetation provided a continuous palette of brilliant color.  Poinsettias grew as big as trees.  Calla lilies, so expensive here, were very common, and the roses, oh, the roses.  I was able to buy a dozen beautiful long- stemmed ones in any color at any time for less than $1.50. 

                I could write for days about the blessings we received as a result of our time in Ecuador.  If you ever get a similar opportunity, I hope you’ll grab it, and I hope you’ll find your own ways to bloom while you’re there.

Next week, I'll be back for Bloomin' Monday.  Just a couple more posts in this little series.  I hope you've found it to be helpful.  How are you bloomin' these days?




This post is linked up to one or more of the following blog parties.  Check them out! Monday: Menu Plan Monday on I'm an Organizing Junkie Wednesday: Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family Friday: 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama, Company Girl Coffee at Home Sanctuary Other days: A Wise Woman Builds Her Home