My high school English teacher once described me as a romantic pragmatist.
What on earth does that mean? It means that I have lofty ambitions and dreams, but I'm also intensely practical. Not surprisingly, this leads to all sorts of inner conflict.
For example, I want very much to be a Proverbs 31 kind of woman. (romantic) You know the one - rises while it is still dark but doesn't let her lamp go out at night, always does her husband good, doesn't eat the bread of idleness, clothes her family in purple, surveys a field and buys it, and so forth. And somehow while doing all of this her husband becomes well-known and successful, and her kids think she's the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But how is that supposed to look in 2012? In America? In Fort Smith, AR? At my house? Somebody please tell me how to actually make this happen! (pragmatist) Yes, I've heard the theory that she didn't do all those things in the same season of life, but I'm not sure I agree with that. I just don't see that in the passage.
Source of conflict: my aspiration and my actual life are light years apart.
I'm planning to do a Bible study on this very topic this Summer. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Here's another huge one: parenting. It seems everywhere I turn these days, someone is talking about parenting from the perspective of reaching the heart of a child rather than focusing on behavior modification. That focusing only on behavior will result in producing little Pharisees. Or worse.
I wholeheartedly agree. But I have no idea how to do that.
I definitely was raised with my behavior in mind. How my siblings and I acted - particularly in public - was of paramount importance! (I'm not getting down on my parents here. This is how they were raised. And yes, behavior IS very important. I don't think anyone ever said, "Oh no, here come those Pearson kids again.") But here's the truth: even when my behavior was impeccable, my heart was totally rebellious. And I think that the only reason that inner rebellion didn't come to more outward fruition was because I was (am) a classic firstborn: I fear(ed) disappointing people (especially my parents) above all else.
I'm almost certain that I'm parenting in this same way. So what do I need to do differently? What does this look like in the real world? Generally, my kids behave very well in public. Does this mean I've scarred them for life??
So I don't have all the answers. Many days, I feel like I don't have any of the answers! But I know The One who does. And I will continue to seek Him.
I'm pretty sure that the reason this isn't all spelled out more clearly is so we will turn to Him.
"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." ~James 1:5
Lord, I'm asking for wisdom. I need it desperately. And I believe You will answer.
This post is linked up to one or more of the following blog parties. Check them out! Monday: Menu Plan Monday on I'm an Organizing Junkie Wednesday: Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family Friday: 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama, Company Girl Coffee at Home Sanctuary Other days: A Wise Woman Builds Her Home