Just joining in? Here are parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.
It has now been 8 days since David was in Paducah, and this is the first post I'm writing in "real time" - not in retrospect. We still haven't received the formal offer letter, although once again it is supposed to arrive today, October 16th.
I really thought the decision would be easy at this point. I mean, haven't we been working, traveling, praying, searching to find another job for David - one that is more secure and not on the brink of ending at a moment's notice?
For me, the choice is clear: it's time to move on. A little over 4 years ago, an office where David was working was shut down with absolutely no advance notice. One morning he had a job, that afternoon he didn't. Six months ago, David's boss warned that he couldn't keep this office open in its current state, financially. In spite of David's efforts to get new business, nothing has changed. He has gotten exactly 2 new patients since January.
But David is still wavering.
He's not wavering about the job. The one in Paducah is clearly better than the job here - in virtually every possible way. He doesn't want to leave our church and the friends and spiritual growth that come with it. I do understand that. I certainly don't want his spiritual growth to stop, either!
But let's be honest: if this job was in Alabama, Tennessee, north Georgia, or north Mississippi, he would have already reserved the U-Haul and started packing boxes. Neither of us really wants to move to Paducah. It's small; it's flat; it doesn't have a single thing that makes it seem exciting. (Of course, Fort Smith isn't exactly exciting, either. But when we came here, the choice was much clearer.)
But should this decision really be based on location? After all, it's not like we are contemplating a move to Outer Mongolia (although that would at least have the exotic factor working in its favor).
We both honestly want to be where God wants us to be. But how can we discern His will in this kind of decision? Is this job offer God's answer? Would we be leaving too soon, right before God has something better for us here? Does God have a specific will in this situation, or is He more concerned with how we live our lives regardless of what zip code we write on our return address?
When my parents married, my Dad wanted to open a veterinary practice in either Australia or Hartselle, Alabama. If they had moved to Australia, my life certainly would have been different. But would it have been better? Or worse? Or just different?
If you read most marriage books, there are usually several chapters devoted to how women tend to be more emotional and men tend to be more factual in decision-making. While there are certain situations in which that is true for us, oftentimes I'm the more practical and David is the more emotional. I'm the number-cruncher. And the numbers are clear: we need to move. On the other hand, David hasn't gotten a clear sign, gut-feeling, etc. on which way to go.
Confession: this drives me nuts.
So we're praying for a clear sign. When the offer letter finally arrives (why, oh why do other people take forever in getting things done?!?), David is planning to call his boss to find out The Plan for the office in Fort Smith (assuming there actually is a plan). If The Plan is to close the office at the end of the year, the answer is clear. If The Plan is to keep the office open, then some things will have to change to make the office profitable. The choice then is back to fuzzy because many promises of help have been made over the years and not kept. Do we believe him this time? If The Plan is to keep the office open along with concrete, immediate, significant steps taken to make positive changes, then I think the For Sale sign will be taken out of our yard.
I truly want to submit to both God and my husband. But this does not come naturally for me, especially the husband part. Right now, there's no decision to submit myself under. So, I guess I'm submitting to wait.
Lord, please lead David in the way we should go.
To be continued...
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